Chapter 10: Jesus Conquers the World (but no one notices)

In chapter 10 the narrative spins off into a parallel universe where teams of unnamed apostles spread out and command demons and/or devils and are immune to the venom of scorpions and snakes. Needless to say, many later would-be apostles have died as a result of this chapter, although some canny ones have managed to take the advice slightly less literally and gradually built up immunity to snake bites by "carefully" exposing themselves over time to larger doses. They're still nutters, but they're not stupid nutters!

By now the 1st century Jewish world-view should be fairly apparent. Lacking any real scientific understanding (unlike their Greek neighbours), the Jews had invented a cosmology where the world was in a state of total domination by Satan, from whom all diseases originated via intermediary spirits (devils). This layer of misery is heaped on top of an older view that saw plain misfortune as something that Jehovah sent to those he was displeased with, such as Saul who's visit to the Witch of Endor resulted in him being told off by Samuel. The book of Job expresses the belief that Satan only acted at the direction of Jehovah and that he, Satan, could be sympathetic to his victims (which, in fact, the serpent of Eden was too).

The problem with this model is that it fails to explain why bad things happen to innocent people such as children in any convincing way - something that Christianity has never managed to explain to the satisfaction of anything more mentally developed than a mollusc. So what passed for philosophy among the Jews of the post-exile period developed a new model.

The newer view seems to have been that at some point Jehovah turned his back on people and the world he had created. Why is unclear, what with being omniscient and making that promise to Noah and all. Into the resulting power vacuum stepped a new version of Satan who was far from sympathetic to the human race and operated not only his old regime of bad luck, but also gained the characteristics of a god of disease.

The story of Jesus that C is telling is one of overthrowing this earthly kingdom of pain by a man who preaches that, even after that revolution, the world is very much second prize compared to the Kingdom of God. Once again, the contradictions are palpable - if that's the case, why not just have a big old rapture now? What, actually, is the point of the pantomime execution and all the rest of it? Christian belief centres on this redemption but it's not all all clear what the moral basis is for even saying that most people needed it nor why the death of the Messiah would make any difference to the sins of people who never met him.

Well, on with the show:

Chapter 10

After these things the LORD appointed other seventy also, and sent them two and two before his face into every city and place, whither he himself would come.

So there's 41 pairs of heralds (if the original 12 are included) and, by implication, 41 cities and places where Jesus is going to go. That's quite a lot for such a tiny area. It's odd that no one recorded his activities, really, when he must have gone to every seat of literature in the place where many people interested in the possibility of a messiah (friendly or not to the idea) would have lived and written. Not so odd if it never happened, of course.

Therefore said he unto them, The harvest truly is great, but the labourers are few: pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he would send forth labourers into his harvest.

Go your ways: behold, I send you forth as lambs among wolves.

Carry neither purse, nor scrip, nor shoes: and salute no man by the way.

And into whatsoever house ye enter, first say, Peace be to this house.

"Peace be to this house", or close variations of it, are still used by Gypsies today. Which is sort of nice, I think. There's worse things to say when you visit someone you don't know.

And if the son of peace be there, your peace shall rest upon it: if not, it shall turn to you again.

And in the same house remain, eating and drinking such things as they give: for the labourer is worthy of his hire. Go not from house to house.

And into whatsoever city ye enter, and they receive you, eat such things as are set before you:

And heal the sick that are therein, and say unto them, The kingdom of God is come nigh unto you.

But into whatsoever city ye enter, and they receive you not, go your ways out into the streets of the same, and say,

Even the very dust of your city, which cleaveth on us, we do wipe off against you: notwithstanding be ye sure of this, that the kingdom of God is come nigh unto you.

This is a subtle reference to the story of Jeremiah and a previous destruction of Jerusalem. In that story, Jehovah granted that if he could find a single good man in the whole city, that Jehovah would spare it (famously, he could not). Logically, that is the situation here. If the apostles find a single house that accepts them and their message, they are to stop there and freeload for a while and then leave the "city"; there is no need to go from house to house. If they can't find anyone who will take them in, they are to leave the city to its fate. And what will that fate be? Total destruction, of course!

What a nice guy. The take away message is that whether a sinner lives or dies is not necessarily down to their own reaction to preaching but to the luck of the draw as to whether or not some Christians live nearby. Murderer A is slain because he lives with other murderers; murderer B survives because there's a single Christian living just inside the city gates. In the long run, of course, we're all dead so maybe it doesn't matter.

But I say unto you, that it shall be more tolerable in that day for Sodom, than for that city.

Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works had been done in Tyre and Sidon, which have been done in you, they had a great while ago repented, sitting in sackcloth and ashes.

C's stitching together material again and once more fails to cover the joins. Bethsaida is so hopelessly mired in sin that even "mighty works" (i.e., miracles)  have not led to a single person converting to the cause. But in just the previous chapter, we were told that at least 5000 people came out of the city to listen to Jesus before they were miraculously fed with the loaves and fishes. Is C really suggesting that such interested people were actually turned off Jesus's message by his demonstration? Or has a completely different account, that has no successful miracle event at Bethsaida just been dropped in here? Hmmm.

But it shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the judgment, than for you.

And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted to heaven, shalt be thrust down to hell.

This is just some distant person's list of well-known towns, really. There's no attempt to connect it with the earlier accounts of Jesus going into Capernaum where "I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel." (chapter 7). As folklore, this is typical. As supposedly great literature and biography it is worthless.

He that heareth you heareth me; and he that despiseth you despiseth me; and he that despiseth me despiseth him that sent me.

There's a break here. Jesus was addressing the cities but now he's addressing someone else. Possibly this verse should be moved down a couple so that he's talking to the returning horde of apostles.

And the seventy returned again with joy, saying, Lord, even the devils are subject unto us through thy name.

And he said unto them, I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven.

Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

Notwithstanding in this rejoice not, that the spirits are subject unto you; but rather rejoice, because your names are written in heaven.

That's the only place they're written; we have only a handful of names who might be from this group. It's not clear if they are included under the heading of "disciples" or not from this point on; it seems unlikely but it is the case that the next portion of Jesus's supposed private conversation may or may not be addressed to 62 people:

In that hour Jesus rejoiced in spirit, and said, I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes: even so, Father; for so it seemed good in thy sight.

What a mess. Jesus is saying that wise and prudent people have been deceived. Aside from being more "mystery cult" nonsense, it's just plain old-fashioned nonsense. If you've missed something this important how can you be wise? And what's Jehovah's motivation to hide it from them? Terrible, terrible crap writing. If anything shows "Jesus" to be a hollow mask covering juvenile wish-fulfilment, it's this section of "they think they're so smart, but we'll show them" diarrhoea.

All things are delivered to me of my Father: and no man knoweth who the Son is, but the Father; and who the Father is, but the Son, and he to whom the Son will reveal him.

And he turned him unto his disciples, and said privately, Blessed are the eyes which see the things that ye see:

For I tell you, that many prophets and kings have desired to see those things which ye see, and have not seen them; and to hear those things which ye hear, and have not heard them.

And, behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted him, saying, Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?

Apparently we're not in a private meeting anymore. Although this sort of jump is annoying, it is partly just the result of how the books of the NT were written down. They tended to be just one big wall of text, with very little punctuation even in the loosest sense, and certainly no signs of the verses that we routinely reference. So it is inevitable that strange breaks like this happen from time to time. Unfortunately, it's not always obvious when the scene has changed.

He said unto him, What is written in the law? how readest thou?

And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.

And he said unto him, Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.

But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbour?

The word "justify" here is a tricky one. It is translated into English from various words all over the ancient world; it's commonly used in translating inscriptions of the Egyptian Pharaohs, for example, and reached the heights of the UK music charts when Justified and Ancient, written and performed by Tammy Wynette and the KLF (Kopyright Liberation Front [one of whom was Jimmy Cauty who drew probably the most successful Lord of the Rings poster before Peter Jackson murdered the books]) hit the #2 spot.

In this sense, it is about making sure that your life passes whatever tests are required after you die. You must show that you were clean, or innocent, of sin. The English translation carries this sense of having to justify your actions in life before some cosmic judge.

I mention all this because it casts an uncertain light on what follows, which is probably the best known parable in the NT - the Good Samaritan. The word has always bothered me because it combines with something else that feels wrong — the story seems too simple. Most of the parables by C have a predictable subtext of "Bad Jew ignores Jesus, nice Greek accepts Jesus; world ends; Jew goes to Hell, Greek goes to Heaven" but this one seems to be all surface. Except that word "justify" sits at the start and suggests that the story is about facing that cosmic judge where the lawyer will learn the answer to his original question of whether he will have eternal life. Let's read the story in that light:

And Jesus answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.

And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.

And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side.

But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,

And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him.

And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.

Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves?

And he said, He that shewed mercy on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise.

Starting at the end of the parable, the Samaritan is clearly Jesus - the person who rescues the man from the consequences of sinful ways, pays for their healing and promises that he will come again and the reward will be unlimited. The identity of the host and the inn are a little less obvious but maybe represent the mundane world and society at large. The suffering man comes from Jerusalem and goes to Jericho, from the city of the law to the city of Jehovah's wrath. So the man's role seems to be that of the law itself, which is the topic of conversation at the table, as well as that of the potential convert.

The thieves are shady but I expect them to represent Jews who, in C's eyes, followed the letter of the law while stripping it of its meaning and spirit, leaving it "half dead". The priests and Levites (a traditionally priestly tribal line) can not be expected to rescue the law, so an outsider arrives. As previously mentioned, Samaritans were regarded as outcasts because they (like the pagan Greeks) worshipped more than one deity.

So we have all the elements of a typical C parable: the bad Jews ignore the meaning of the law; Jesus fixes up the broken law in the guise not of a Greek but of a similar outsider; the law (and the person who has kept faith with the law) is saved and later is literally redeemed when Jesus comes back. The point about "which was the neighbour" is that there's no point looking for help from the Jews; they've become a bunch of thieves and hypocrites, a point repeatedly made elsewhere in the book. If the lawyer wants to justify himself before Jehovah, he must reject the Jews and embrace the new testament of Jesus.

The framing device of the meal at the table allows C to show Jesus as once again outsmarting those cunning Jews who, despite constantly inviting Jesus into their houses, feeding him, and having fairly civil philosophical conversations with him are nonetheless both always trying to trip him up and also being convinced by his answers.

Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.

And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word.

But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.

And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:

But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

More creepy Jesus and his harem; I think we can all guess which "good part" Mary had chosen. Martha represents those people who think tomorrow will come; they do the dishes and bake bread etc. but don't worry about the state of their souls — that can wait. Mary knows that the judgement day could happen at any time, so she attends to her soul by listening to Jesus. But Jesus still needs the bread that Martha is baking. As Dorothy Parker said:

Drink and dance and laugh and lie,

Love, the reeling midnight through,

For tomorrow we shall die! 

(But, alas, we never do.) 

Christians have been hoping for the return of their non-existent Christ for 2000 years; it's still "just around the corner".

At least we didn't have to talk about John the Baptist again.